GOD

I rear ended a car on Monday.

The driver just showed me that people can be kind and forgiving. Maybe God is just trying to help me out and I should just get over the idea that he is just constantly challenging me. 

In other news I renewed my car insurance. 

No particular order

This blog feels like a grave yard of memories that I need to learn how to enjoy again. I suppose I didn't want to write again because then I would have to type that my Mama and Abulita died. They died and I still don't know how to deal with it. I don't know what makes me feel better, I just know that it is time to come out of hiding.

Moving to Boston to work for Converse has allowed me to be unavailable and flighty with people. I should admit it before I do it anymore. This is one characteristic that is absolutely unacceptable to me in a friendship so why should I expect others to deal with it at all. So I am sorry world if I took you for granted. 

Talking and loving need to be my favorite things again, because they are both hard and scary right now. To really talk and feel... I don't know if I do it anymore. 

A lot of everything has been crushed within me, I'm just trying to make sense of it all even if it doesn't all fit back in its old order... 

... but I am still here.

Now is now

This year has been pretty focused, focused on health and work. I have been getting more hours at the studio in Shelby Township and landed a new teaching job along with freelance work for Ambassador Magazine. It should be a six page spread out next month :)

Teaching 9th graders after school can be trying sometimes, but I'm hoping that we both end up with something in the end. I can remember how tough that time is, everyone wants to be the cool guy.

Ambassador was definitely a great experience. Having that under my belt makes me feel more confident about my career choice. I know that I can work efficiently and creatively which feels great. Being in your own world in college you don't really know how you will preform under a time limit and others breathing down your neck. I loved it, the pressure and delivery make me feel alive.

Today I had a first phone interview with Converse. They are looking for a in house product photographer at their headquarters in Massachusetts. It went well and I should be hearing back from them so I can come in for a real interview. This position would be a dream come true! I'm that kid with the roughed up converse shoes.... hire me please :)

Getting my old body back feels great, so far I have lost 20 pounds and counting since the beginning of February. If you don't have your health... what do you really have?

giant love cloud

I remember winter break, a break from school and time to share what I learned from it. I never minded  being asked what I was up to because art school was a whole new world to me. I came back from it everyday just wanting to share my great adventures. People spoke a language I never knew I understood until I came home and no one understood what I was talking about. And now I'm confused as to where I am. In my mind all I think about is art because for me it is what I've always done but just now come to realize. Yet the people I am with don't know what I am saying. I feel no sadness about this, only wonder. I wonder how different passions drive different people. What does one expend for their love? 

When I was a small child my speech was so jumbled and confusing that my mother had to take me to a speech therapist. My mother begged her to help me so that she could speak to me; her child. It worked, I could say shoulder and solider... I could ask for an extra graham cracker. It seems that I've always had a problem with others understanding my jumbled speech, but I found a camera or it found me and I finally heard my own voice. 

response

Teaching after school programs in Detroit makes me miss the city more than ever. The kids are so excited to be discovering photography with me. We just assigned them their first project this week (self-portraits). They were beyond grateful for the information and technology given to them. I always strive to dedicate myself fully to them because that is something I didn't experience until college. The arts are so important, to keep creativity and traditions flowing throughout the community. The theme this semester is community, today we talked about our idea of community starting with oneself. How do we see ourselves and what is our role to others? Right now I see myself as an artist on a journey trying to reach in ten different directions.  I asked the students how they felt after our talk and they tested out their cameras... "I feel great!" A response I am more than grateful for.

mitten

I enjoy driving in the snow with the Fit. I have no clue where I put my snow scraper from the Caliber, so today after a meeting I cleaned off my lil honda with my mitten.  I love meeting at the Arab American National Museum. When I get there I get sent up in a huge elevator, when the doors open there are wonderful people that I enjoy all around. The class that I will co-teaching starts next Tuesday, tomorrow Christina (the other teacher and great friend) and I are going to hammer out details over brunch.

Speaking of MITTENS, I  am making it my goal for 2010 to leave this mitten for a while. Matt and I would like to explore the west coast. We need to hatch out our mission.... over breakfast cake.

I'm on my second Chuck Palanhniuk book and they are making me feel like some insane artist... I like it!

Oh YEAH I was chosen to pick the next topic for the Hallway Show, I am so pumped!!!!! I feel like I have been waiting for this forever... hopefully people will like my choice and make the bust illustrations ever.

nyc with rc

Where have I been...

I started freelance work with Ambassador Magazine

I went to a planning meeting for teaching an after school program that I've done for the past couple of years.

I made the coolest stuffed animals with tremendous help from Matt for my nieces and nephews

Found a wedding photographer for my sister

Christmas was great! The eve was spent with my family+Matt and the day was spent with Matt's family+his friends. The most epic thing was that Matt happened to get me a whole case of coffee while his mom secretly ordered me a coffee mug with Matt's face all over it. When I get home I need to photograph the beauty of the presents Matt got me... I can't really capture them in words.

I'm in N.Y.C. right now with the Callahans. Ryan is here to stay for a 4 month contract and I was invited for the ride and the weekend. Last night Ryan fed me strong drinks and I went to bed while everyone else went to two more parties. The last thing I remember doing is trying to make my phone work to call Matt. Good thing that didn't work out because then I would be asking Matt what I even said. Most likely I would have tried to force him to take a plane out here for a day and cry if he said no hahaha. After waking up half dead we just stayed in all day because our livers needed to heal up. I should be getting to bed soon because tomorrow is going to be a city day. I like how the year is starting out so far, except that I miss Matt so much... but I kinda love that. I can hear everything from Ryan's second floor apartment, instead of people watching I'm people listening.

wing interview

Today I had a interview with Ambassador Magazine for event photography. It was such a great interview, so nice to sit and talk to someone about what you can do and where that can go. After looking at my portfolio Lydia my interviewer introduced me to an editor. Ray looked at my stuff and told me how I can move up to editorial after I shoot some events, and then to fashion after doing editorial work. I hope that I can start working my way up with them A.S.A.P. The best interviews are when they turn into wonderful conversations.

BURururur I'm so cold in my room! Thank goodness Ryan gave me a giant poncho from Mexico to wear. Speaking of Ryan, he will be back from N.Y.C. anytime now... well in about a week but I wish it was NOW.

Matt is coming over today and we are going to cuddle for 8 hours straight... maybe not.... HIBERNATION.

I have decided not to apply to grad school this year. I still want to spread these little bird wings and see what I like and can do outside of school.

scratch

My brother Carlos agreed to starting a band... I'M SO EXCITED!

I have started to look for a wedding photographer for my sister's wedding in September. It is so hard when you know what you want and can't find it. Well one guy that we want is too far away.. and the other one is booked already. But this is only day one of the search... she shall get what she wants.

Matt came over today, I love him so much that I turn into cheese when I think about it. GROSS but great <3

My mom told me that I should just move to Seattle or California while I still can. Gotta get that cash to get there MOM.

I still love you

Before this year ends I would like to:

Take a few more risks

Get drunk with Ryan talk about when we were little guys

Be happy/sad with Sean

Have some more job prospects

Start a band with my brother

Read THE PROPHET again

Make a breakfast cake with Matt

HANG OUT WITH THE CREW

Retouch at least 5 photos

Enter a competition


I love lists, notebooks and  calling everything I get PRESENTS...

I hate mostly everything... clearly form the former list. ; )

DM

I woke up to a text from my old pal Regan asking about buying a mac, I was out of it but I told her to get her teacher's discount for sure. Teachers get tons of money off of everything, it is great!

I accidently ended up at Matt's game night. I just wanted my battery charger for a baby shower tomorrow but they were ditched by some of their pals and couldn't play their ROLE PLAYING game. Instead we all played MAGIC and I won one epic battle while they all had a mixer of blue Hawaiian punch / vodka... deemed BLUE DRANK. Matt got a little out of control and jumped on back causing my butt to be exposed for a quick second and I HATED IT. Then I drove them to taco bell and I got a free meal which is always worth the drive. I dazed in and out of the conversation because it was all about games.. and I knew it was time to go when they called Keith the DM and I knew it was short for Dungeon Master.

My lovely friend and mentor Peggy Day emailed me, I adore her. She is such an inspiration. Hopefully I will see her sooner than later.

computer, where am I?

Today it is my Mom's birthday and tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday! They exchanged gifts today and it was pretty great, my parents got him a Redwings winter cap and Matt got my mom the Star Trek DVD. Besides birthday extravaganzas, my buddy Erica Wilson is having her bridal shower and I must answer my  maiden duties.

I finally decided what to buy for my birthday from my parents. It took me forever but I decided to get within my given budget; Canon 580ex II Flash, 5 in 1 Reflector, Flash Diffuser, Tripod, and a sync cord for off camera flash fun. These are basic things, but again I am finally building up my very own collection. The use of natural and manipulated light excites me beyond belief.

Tonight was ended with watching Star Trek while drinking "Birthday Week Champaign" with my boo. On birthdays I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for that person's existence. It is all so obvious, but sometimes the obvious can be in oblivion.

enjoy in joy

Today I tried to think about what I really enjoy, here are a few.

I enjoy people because I have always seen possibility in every one of them. I see their greatness and their faults, people amaze me with their memories and dreams.

Documentaries are so elegant and telling, while watching them I feel a great calling; I want to be part of one... even if it means holding a reflector to achieve that perfect light in which the subject gleams.

Illustrators hold a magic which I wish I could see in Photographers. Being a photographer myself, it is kind of odd but a huge part of it is that they could do what they do without any huge amount of technology. Illustrators that I hold near can laugh all the time, and I want to be like that.

Color and light are never boring, they make up this world and I enjoy this world.

Hello Loans!

I decided to update my art blog again... so that was odd and fun.

Typing Micaela

I remember my roommates professor commenting on an illustration she made of a girl running free after graduation, he told her to add the loan wolfs chasing her and it would be complete. I completely understand what he was saying. Although no one has been nagging me (since nothing is due yet) I thought I would get a head start today and see what I could do about somehow getting more time for that well paying job to pay back my very expensive education. So far I have gotten a lot of great people on the phone, the right forms and very detailed advice on how not to be denied for silly mistakes.

Life is not what I expected it to be right now at all, but I am doing okay with a few great friends, a caring family, the most loving boyfriend... and my art <3

card

Costume

Schools

filled

Well I didn't get the job with Microsoft, I found out today. I'm getting used to it, they must know about my mac ways. Funds are running low and I realized that I can get unemployment benefits since all I've done is work since I was 15. Well it doesn't work exactly like that but I qualified. I know that I've worked for the benefits for rough times but I don't like the feeling, I would rather be working. I am still grateful because it is a rough time right now. I had not even considered applying for it since I thought that I would have a steady income by now.

I finally set up my scanner, cleaned it up and put new inks in it. This all in one monster was originally for my cake project I did my senior year. I filled it with edible inks and printed away delightful compositions of my life. I can't buy any edible inks right now so I filled it with the regular inks it came with. At least I know that when I do have enough cash I can flush out the regular ink and go back to make my edible art.

Here is a photo that I keep on my desk of myself and Matt Chung my lovely friend. We were outside on campus enjoying one of the many food feasts in the year 2008. I miss talking about how crazy and great we are going to be when we are old and wrinkly.

Ryan is leaving again for an internship. It is in New York for 6 weeks with a design firm. Last time he left for 6 months so this should pass quickly. I am so proud of Ryan but I dread him leaving. He is my friend that always has time for me. I met Ryan at the C.C.S. Camp Portfolio when I was 17, and we have been friends ever since. Six years and counting, he has been with me through it all.

(A group photo from the camp. That is me in the yellow, Ryan is the fellow to the left behind me in the striped shirt. Look at all those awkward babies!)

Ryan is clever and caring and damn it I'm going to miss him.

O

I , like most, am in awe of Oprah.

She made this list: "Top 20 Things Oprah Knows for Sure"

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)

2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.

13. Let passion drive your profession.

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over.

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.

18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)

flight

Saturday Maria, Chris and Matt came over. We bought beer, snacks, made spagetti and picked up a movie. It made me happy. 

A few photo ideas popped into my head this past week which is exciting. For some reason I have been feeling like I don't deserve to take on a project, that is just too ridiculous that I felt that way. I am used to having a directed project, I forgot about my time with my 35 mm before school and competitions. 

I wish that I had something exciting to report on but life has been pretty consistent with "nothing much". 

later and later

What kind of schedule am I on? It is almost 4 a.m...sheesh.

I was talking to my old classmate Nathan Lomas and thought about how much I enjoy talking to him and how I would like to keep in touch with all of my photo friends. I miss making work to show them, and seeing their works of art up aganist the wall. So I asked Nate if he thinks we could start a blog, and so we did it! The blog will be a place for us to have that creative and honest circle again. It is going to be a virtual potluck of sorts. I'm still creating a fun banner for it so once I'm done with that I'll contact everyone and hope they join.

bff

I didn't get the job in Seattle, sad news. The talent manger said that she would put in a good word for me to the other talent managers. I was surprised that just a  couple of days later I was contacted about a possible position in Seattle from a different talent manager. This job is very similar to the last; a contract position with Microsoft. As far as I know it would be for at least a year. I'm happy that Filter has me in mind for some positions.

Matt gave me my birthday present...... A BRAND NEW WACOM TABLET! It is so wonderful and beautiful and my new best friend. I'm so used to just renting whatever I wanted from school. Those days are over and now I can't wait to work as hard as I have to build up a beautiful collection of technology and what nots. Well I guess I just had to love Matt for this one.